Saturday, October 19, 2013
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Can it be True?!
Thursday, October 10, 2013
We are not perfect people
Most days I feel I am an adequate mother. I work 50-60 hours a week. I provide food, clothing, love, discipline and friends for my children. I work hard at my business, and I work hard at being a wife and mother, housekeeper, chef, chauffer, friend, upstanding citizen, member of our church.
There are moments, however, that I feel so inadequate. Those moments are when my kids put their hands over their ears for fear I will raise my voice. I'm not a quiet person, so I tend to raise my voice more often than not. I am just a loud person. I know this. My kids know this. However, when its more than just talking, my children know that, obviously.
I am given blessings and with those, I am always reassured that my children were sent to me for very specific reasons and I am the mother they need and they are the children I need. I feel like I am the most crappiest mother they could have and that they would learn what Heavenly Father wants them to know with some other mother. I love my children to the ends of the earth... for eternity. I am ever so grateful that they are mine. I wouldn't trade anyone else's kids for more behaved children or more mild children.
Tonight, we had friends over and EmmaLei and Allyson were allowed to stay up later than usual. With this, I expected EmmaLei to have a difficult morning. The difficultness we experienced happened this evening, when trying to keep my temper from exploding I ended up having to take her to her room and put her to bed while her friends were still here. She came out screaming at me more than once. It really bothers me when she yells at me like that. I fight myself to not spank her when she does this.
I understand there are difficult times when being a parent, and I understand that she wants to show her independence, but this was out of control. I love my little girl so much, that I only want what is best for her and her sister. I know that Heavenly Father knows what I can handle, and will push me to the limit of just barely breaking for my own good.
When situations like this evening arise, I feel like the worst mother on the face of the earth. I have to be strict with her, otherwise she would run rampant through the streets. I am only hoping that she ends up being a decent person. I want her and Allyson to be upstanding citizens, productive members of society and to love Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ as much I do. I only hope they grow to know how much I love them and how much they can really do in this world. They are beautiful girls and have so much potential.
Anyways, I had a real awful experience of being a mother this evening. I love my girls and hope they know that. I tell them daily that I love them. I know I'm not perfect and there is always room for improvement!
There are moments, however, that I feel so inadequate. Those moments are when my kids put their hands over their ears for fear I will raise my voice. I'm not a quiet person, so I tend to raise my voice more often than not. I am just a loud person. I know this. My kids know this. However, when its more than just talking, my children know that, obviously.
I am given blessings and with those, I am always reassured that my children were sent to me for very specific reasons and I am the mother they need and they are the children I need. I feel like I am the most crappiest mother they could have and that they would learn what Heavenly Father wants them to know with some other mother. I love my children to the ends of the earth... for eternity. I am ever so grateful that they are mine. I wouldn't trade anyone else's kids for more behaved children or more mild children.
Tonight, we had friends over and EmmaLei and Allyson were allowed to stay up later than usual. With this, I expected EmmaLei to have a difficult morning. The difficultness we experienced happened this evening, when trying to keep my temper from exploding I ended up having to take her to her room and put her to bed while her friends were still here. She came out screaming at me more than once. It really bothers me when she yells at me like that. I fight myself to not spank her when she does this.
I understand there are difficult times when being a parent, and I understand that she wants to show her independence, but this was out of control. I love my little girl so much, that I only want what is best for her and her sister. I know that Heavenly Father knows what I can handle, and will push me to the limit of just barely breaking for my own good.
When situations like this evening arise, I feel like the worst mother on the face of the earth. I have to be strict with her, otherwise she would run rampant through the streets. I am only hoping that she ends up being a decent person. I want her and Allyson to be upstanding citizens, productive members of society and to love Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ as much I do. I only hope they grow to know how much I love them and how much they can really do in this world. They are beautiful girls and have so much potential.
Anyways, I had a real awful experience of being a mother this evening. I love my girls and hope they know that. I tell them daily that I love them. I know I'm not perfect and there is always room for improvement!
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
2013 Primary Program
"Some say I have my mother’s eyes. My
smile comes from my dad. My freckles
come from Grandpa, and all this makes me glad. I share the curls in my hair
with uncles whom I love. But the truth of who I really am comes from up above.
A child of God is who I am, a child of royal birth. My Father up in heaven sent
me here to earth. As I take this journey and try valiantly each day, I know He
watches over me and listens when I pray. So if the path gets thorny and the way
feels not so clear, I remember who I really am and that takes away each
fear." (Cindy Maybon, “Who I Really Am,” Friend, Feb 2008, 7)
This year in primary we have been learning that we are Children of Heavenly Father. Knowing that we are children of God helps us understand that we are never alone. As we strive to keep the commandments, always make good choices, and pray for help, we can become more like Him. We know that Heavenly Father loves us that He has a plan for us so that we can be happy and return to live with Him someday.
God is my Heavenly Father. He knows and loves me.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a _dancer, athlete, musician_. But most importantly, I am a Child of God.
**He sent his son**
Heavenly Father sent his Son to die for us.
Because Heavenly Father did that for us, He has asked us to have faith, and hope and to live like His son.
What does the Father ask of us? To live like his Son.
I am __Name of Child_. I am a _dancer, athlete, musician_. But most importantly, I am a Child of God.
Jesus Christ created the earth under the direction of Heavenly Father. My favorite creation is__child's favorite creation__.
The Fall was part of Heavenly fathers plan. I have been sent to earth to gain a body and to be tested.
I can live with my Heavenly father again if I __child answer__.
I can live with my Heavenly Father again if I __child answer__.
**Song: MY Heavenly Father loves me**
Jesus Christ is our Savior. Savior means __definition by child__.
Jesus taught the gospel. One of my favorite stories of Jesus is __child's favorite story__
Because of Christ’s Atonement, I can repent and live with God again.
Because Jesus Christ was resurrected, I will be too.
I am thankful Jesus was resurrected because __child answer__.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a _dancer, athlete, musician_. But most importantly, I am a Child of God.
**SONG: If the Savior stood beside me**
Jesus Christ restored His church in the latter days.
D and C 35:17 “I have sent forth the fullness of my gospel by the hand of my servant Joseph”
up to a 2 minute talk on the First Vision
Priesthood Authority was restored to the earth by John the Baptist and Peter, James and John.
Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon and restored the gospel back on the earth.
**SONG: Follow the Prophet.**
The Prophets teach us to live the restored gospel.,
In Amos 3:7 it says “Surely the Lord God will do nothing, but he revealed his secret unto his servants the prophets.
The living prophet leads The Church under the direction of Jesus Christ.
Prophets teach me to pay tithing. Prophets teach me to live the Word of Wisdom.
The prophet teaches me what I must do to live with God again. I will serve God with all my heart, might, mind and strength.
Jesus Christ taught us how to serve others. When I serve others, I serve God. Prophets and Apostles show us how to serve.
The living prophet leads the church under the direction of Jesus Christ.
1 Minute talk about what you learned from General Conference.
1 minute talk of and experience of when you followed the prophet.
I will follow heavenly Fathers plan by being baptized and confirmed.
In 3 Nephi 30:2 is says: “come unto me, and be baptized in my name, that ye may receive a remission of your sins, and be filled with the Holy Ghost.”
1 minute talk on her baptism and confirmation (from someone that got baptized this year)
1 minute talk on her baptism and confirmation (from someone that got baptized this year)
The Holy Ghost helps me to know what is right and wrong.
When I take the sacrament, I renew my baptismal covenants. I know that I can repent and be forgiven when I make a mistake.
**Song: When I am baptized**
The family is an important part of God’s plan.
In the Proclamation to the World, paragraph 7 it says “The family is ordained of God”.
Heavenly Father planned for me to come to my family. One thing I like to do with my family Is __child answer__.
The Priesthood can bless and strengthen my family by __child answer__.
Heavenly Father wants me to marry in the temple and have an eternal family.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a _dancer, athlete, musician_. But most importantly, I am a Child of God.
God gave me a family to love me and teach me.
Each member of my family has a divine role. Family prayer strengthens my family. Family scripture study strengthens my family. Family Home Evening strengthens my family.
My family is stronger because we go to church together.
As families we are sealed together forever in the temple.
**SONG: Families can be together forever. **
Heavenly Father hears and answers my prayers.
D and C 112:10 “Be thou humble, and the Lord thy God shall lead thee by the hand and give thee answer to thy prayers.
My favorite scripture story about prayer is __child answer__.
My favorite scripture story about prayer is __child answer__.
Heavenly Father wants me to pray to him often- anytime and anywhere. I can even pray to him at __child answer__.
please tell of a time when Heavenly Father answered a prayer.
I am _child's name_. I am a _dancer, athlete, musician_. But most importantly, I am a Child of God.
**SONG: A child’s Prayer**
D and C 59:5 “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, with all thy might, mind, and strength; and in the name of Jesus Christ thou shalt serve him.
I am __child's name_. I am a _dancer, athlete, musician_. But most importantly, I am a Child of God.
1 minute talk- tell of an experience when you were able to serve someone and how it made you feel.
1 minute talk: tell of an experience of when someone served you and how you felt.
Heavenly Father has asked us to let our lights shine. I can be a light to others by sharing the gospel and my testimony with my friends.
When I live righteously my friends will see the example I set.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a Child of God.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a Child of God.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a Child of God.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a Child of God.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a Child of God.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a Child of God.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a Child of God.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a Child of God.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a Child of God.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a Child of God.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a Child of God.
In Job 19:25 it says, “I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth”.
In Psalms 82:6 it says, “I have said, Ye are gods; and all of you are children of the most High.”
In Mosiah 4:15 is says, “But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another”.
In D and C 14:7 it says, “And, if you keep my commandments and endure to the end you shall have eternal life, which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God.”
This year in primary we have been learning that we are Children of Heavenly Father. Knowing that we are children of God helps us understand that we are never alone. As we strive to keep the commandments, always make good choices, and pray for help, we can become more like Him. We know that Heavenly Father loves us that He has a plan for us so that we can be happy and return to live with Him someday.
**Song: I am a child of God (1st
verse only)**
I am a child of God, and he has a plan for me. I accepted Heavenly Father’s plan.
I know that God is my Heavenly Father and He knows and loves me. I am created in His image.
In Romans Chapter 8, verse 16 is says “The spirit itself
beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God.”I am a child of God, and he has a plan for me. I accepted Heavenly Father’s plan.
I know that God is my Heavenly Father and He knows and loves me. I am created in His image.
God is my Heavenly Father. He knows and loves me.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a _dancer, athlete, musician_. But most importantly, I am a Child of God.
Heavenly
Fathers plan is a plan of happiness.
I have agency, and I am responsible for my own choices.
1 minute talk---of where you had to use your agency to make a choice.
The earth was created for Heavenly Fathers children.
In John Chapter 3 verse 16 says: “For God so loved the world,
that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him should not
perish, but have everlasting life.I have agency, and I am responsible for my own choices.
1 minute talk---of where you had to use your agency to make a choice.
The earth was created for Heavenly Fathers children.
**He sent his son**
Heavenly Father sent his Son to die for us.
Because Heavenly Father did that for us, He has asked us to have faith, and hope and to live like His son.
What does the Father ask of us? To live like his Son.
I am __Name of Child_. I am a _dancer, athlete, musician_. But most importantly, I am a Child of God.
Jesus Christ created the earth under the direction of Heavenly Father. My favorite creation is__child's favorite creation__.
The Fall was part of Heavenly fathers plan. I have been sent to earth to gain a body and to be tested.
I can live with my Heavenly father again if I __child answer__.
I can live with my Heavenly Father again if I __child answer__.
**Song: MY Heavenly Father loves me**
Jesus Christ is our Savior. Savior means __definition by child__.
Jesus taught the gospel. One of my favorite stories of Jesus is __child's favorite story__
Because of Christ’s Atonement, I can repent and live with God again.
Because Jesus Christ was resurrected, I will be too.
I am thankful Jesus was resurrected because __child answer__.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a _dancer, athlete, musician_. But most importantly, I am a Child of God.
**SONG: If the Savior stood beside me**
Jesus Christ restored His church in the latter days.
D and C 35:17 “I have sent forth the fullness of my gospel by the hand of my servant Joseph”
up to a 2 minute talk on the First Vision
Priesthood Authority was restored to the earth by John the Baptist and Peter, James and John.
Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon and restored the gospel back on the earth.
**SONG: Follow the Prophet.**
The Prophets teach us to live the restored gospel.,
In Amos 3:7 it says “Surely the Lord God will do nothing, but he revealed his secret unto his servants the prophets.
The living prophet leads The Church under the direction of Jesus Christ.
Prophets teach me to pay tithing. Prophets teach me to live the Word of Wisdom.
The prophet teaches me what I must do to live with God again. I will serve God with all my heart, might, mind and strength.
Jesus Christ taught us how to serve others. When I serve others, I serve God. Prophets and Apostles show us how to serve.
The living prophet leads the church under the direction of Jesus Christ.
1 Minute talk about what you learned from General Conference.
1 minute talk of and experience of when you followed the prophet.
I will follow heavenly Fathers plan by being baptized and confirmed.
In 3 Nephi 30:2 is says: “come unto me, and be baptized in my name, that ye may receive a remission of your sins, and be filled with the Holy Ghost.”
1 minute talk on her baptism and confirmation (from someone that got baptized this year)
1 minute talk on her baptism and confirmation (from someone that got baptized this year)
The Holy Ghost helps me to know what is right and wrong.
When I take the sacrament, I renew my baptismal covenants. I know that I can repent and be forgiven when I make a mistake.
**Song: When I am baptized**
The family is an important part of God’s plan.
In the Proclamation to the World, paragraph 7 it says “The family is ordained of God”.
Heavenly Father planned for me to come to my family. One thing I like to do with my family Is __child answer__.
The Priesthood can bless and strengthen my family by __child answer__.
Heavenly Father wants me to marry in the temple and have an eternal family.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a _dancer, athlete, musician_. But most importantly, I am a Child of God.
God gave me a family to love me and teach me.
Each member of my family has a divine role. Family prayer strengthens my family. Family scripture study strengthens my family. Family Home Evening strengthens my family.
My family is stronger because we go to church together.
As families we are sealed together forever in the temple.
**SONG: Families can be together forever. **
Heavenly Father hears and answers my prayers.
D and C 112:10 “Be thou humble, and the Lord thy God shall lead thee by the hand and give thee answer to thy prayers.
My favorite scripture story about prayer is __child answer__.
My favorite scripture story about prayer is __child answer__.
Heavenly Father wants me to pray to him often- anytime and anywhere. I can even pray to him at __child answer__.
please tell of a time when Heavenly Father answered a prayer.
I am _child's name_. I am a _dancer, athlete, musician_. But most importantly, I am a Child of God.
**SONG: A child’s Prayer**
D and C 59:5 “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, with all thy might, mind, and strength; and in the name of Jesus Christ thou shalt serve him.
I am __child's name_. I am a _dancer, athlete, musician_. But most importantly, I am a Child of God.
1 minute talk- tell of an experience when you were able to serve someone and how it made you feel.
1 minute talk: tell of an experience of when someone served you and how you felt.
Heavenly Father has asked us to let our lights shine. I can be a light to others by sharing the gospel and my testimony with my friends.
When I live righteously my friends will see the example I set.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a Child of God.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a Child of God.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a Child of God.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a Child of God.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a Child of God.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a Child of God.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a Child of God.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a Child of God.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a Child of God.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a Child of God.
I am _Name of Child_. I am a Child of God.
In Job 19:25 it says, “I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth”.
In Psalms 82:6 it says, “I have said, Ye are gods; and all of you are children of the most High.”
In Mosiah 4:15 is says, “But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another”.
In D and C 14:7 it says, “And, if you keep my commandments and endure to the end you shall have eternal life, which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God.”
There are children who live
all over the world. They may wear different clothes, eat different food, speak
other languages and live in homes different from ours, but we are all Children
of God and he loves us all very much. President
Hinckley said in a 2003 General Conference “Never forget, my dear young
friends, that you really are a child of God who has inherited something of His
divine nature, one whom He loves and desires to help and bless.” We, the
Primary children of the __
ward of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, are willing to stand as witnesses of God at all
times and in all things, and in all places. We want to keep the
commandments. We want to share His gospel with others. We know we
are children of God and want to return to live with Him someday. May each of us learn that we are important and
loved – and that each of us is a child of God.
**SONG: I am a Child of God**
**SONG: I am a Child of God**
Monday, September 30, 2013
More Blessings... How can that be?!?
I have been contemplating all of our blessings we have received in the last couple months. Its just a subtle reminder that we are children of our Heavenly Father. He knows each one of us, and only wants happiness for each of us.
We have had little blessings... and when they all come together, they are for the bigger picture. We now have food on the table, sufficient for our needs. We have extra money coming in due to the jobs Jason has now. 2 jobs... that's right. The first one is substituting and the second one is PSR. The 1st one isn't as regular, but it helps a great deal! The 2nd one is part time, but pays really well. All in all, we should be making our bills now without any problems and even catching up!
We have been given a few of the necessities recently and have been ever so grateful. Things have fallen into place that I would never have even imagined would. We now have food to last us throughout the winter and that has NEVER happened before. Its basically the staples, but that's ok. We also will be able to afford to stock up on our food storage which will better our situation as well. I guess if the Zombies do take over, it can be a party at the Jones!
Blessings come in disguises. some come with broken windows or furnaces. Others come with gifts or kind words from a friend. I do have to say that my blessings also come with huge trials placed before me.
Nothing has come easy for us. I have had to earn everything I have. I wouldn't change anything. I am hoping that from my learning and trials and my example, my kids will learn from them and grow above and beyond what I can provide them with.
I know we are blessed. The Lord will not give me more than I can handle. Although, I do think He "toe" that line!!!
We have had little blessings... and when they all come together, they are for the bigger picture. We now have food on the table, sufficient for our needs. We have extra money coming in due to the jobs Jason has now. 2 jobs... that's right. The first one is substituting and the second one is PSR. The 1st one isn't as regular, but it helps a great deal! The 2nd one is part time, but pays really well. All in all, we should be making our bills now without any problems and even catching up!
We have been given a few of the necessities recently and have been ever so grateful. Things have fallen into place that I would never have even imagined would. We now have food to last us throughout the winter and that has NEVER happened before. Its basically the staples, but that's ok. We also will be able to afford to stock up on our food storage which will better our situation as well. I guess if the Zombies do take over, it can be a party at the Jones!
Blessings come in disguises. some come with broken windows or furnaces. Others come with gifts or kind words from a friend. I do have to say that my blessings also come with huge trials placed before me.
Nothing has come easy for us. I have had to earn everything I have. I wouldn't change anything. I am hoping that from my learning and trials and my example, my kids will learn from them and grow above and beyond what I can provide them with.
I know we are blessed. The Lord will not give me more than I can handle. Although, I do think He "toe" that line!!!
Monday, September 16, 2013
I have written something on here 3 times tonight trying to convey how I feel about things right now. There is a lot of anger, hurt, fear, frustration, love, compassion, and generosity that has been recently shown to us, but still, the sinking feeling wont go away. I feel like we are drowning a slow painful death. not with any particular reason for this feeling. its quite frustrating to feel like this.
Recently, at my grandmothers funeral it was shown that we don't matter. We were just people that happened to be a funeral. Its such a depressing thought to know what had taken place there.
Jason has 2 jobs. Thank heavens. Maybe Christmas wont be so sparse this year. maybe we can regain our once AMAZING credit report. Maybe people will stop calling us for money. Maybe I can answer my phone without having a panic attack. Maybe our bills will be paid on time every month now. I can not express how much burden this has lifted from me. I no longer have to work 18 hour days everyday. Its only once a week I work late. every other day I am off at a decent hour.
I know that Satan is trying his damnedest to tear us apart. He is working night and day on us. Its really an eye opener as to what lengths he goes to for that. we have started to at least read the scriptures every night and pray as a family every night... and since we decided this, we have maybe done it 4 times in the last 3 weeks. We are trying to do what is right but its still falling short of what needs to be done. I feel its a failure on our part.
anyway, the things i want to say cant be said, and if they were said, it would just be jumble for everyone else. i know these trials are for a reason, but i want my life to be calm and happy and no more hardships. <---hahahah, right?
Recently, at my grandmothers funeral it was shown that we don't matter. We were just people that happened to be a funeral. Its such a depressing thought to know what had taken place there.
Jason has 2 jobs. Thank heavens. Maybe Christmas wont be so sparse this year. maybe we can regain our once AMAZING credit report. Maybe people will stop calling us for money. Maybe I can answer my phone without having a panic attack. Maybe our bills will be paid on time every month now. I can not express how much burden this has lifted from me. I no longer have to work 18 hour days everyday. Its only once a week I work late. every other day I am off at a decent hour.
I know that Satan is trying his damnedest to tear us apart. He is working night and day on us. Its really an eye opener as to what lengths he goes to for that. we have started to at least read the scriptures every night and pray as a family every night... and since we decided this, we have maybe done it 4 times in the last 3 weeks. We are trying to do what is right but its still falling short of what needs to be done. I feel its a failure on our part.
anyway, the things i want to say cant be said, and if they were said, it would just be jumble for everyone else. i know these trials are for a reason, but i want my life to be calm and happy and no more hardships. <---hahahah, right?
Monday, August 19, 2013
Do I have my Happily Ever After?
We had some friends over the other night, and they brought some "I love you more than..." books that they make for each other each year. I thought it was pretty awesome! As I was going about my day today, I had some sad news from the eye doctor today. He basically told me that if I don't start letting my eyes take a break from my contacts more than a day or two every 3-6 months I will be BANNED from wearing my contacts for ever more! OH MY GOODNESS!!! That can NEVER happen. EVER! I love my contacts so much that I cannot live my life without them. I had "the pink eye" last week, right after I put my LAST pair of contacts in. So, my years supply of contacts lasted me since EmmaLei was one and half years old...she is now six and half. Yes, I know this is bad for my eyes and blah blah blah.... I did what I had to. Well, since "the pink eye" wasted my last pair of contacts, I decided I needed to visit the Eye Doctor whether I had the money or not. The oh so dreaded eye doctor.
During my appointment, he lectured me. Oh yes, the lecturing was great. He told me that if I continued to do what I was doing I would be blind VERY soon. I must take out my contacts every night... which, I probably still wont do, but I came up with a plan for me... which is better than what I have been doing and will eventually make it easier to do what I am suppose to do. I will take my contacts out every week. I will leave them out for two days. Friday, Saturday and then, just for church, I can wear my contacts again. This is better than what I was doing.
I do have to get myself a new pair of glasses. Luckily, I look ok with them. I know, I know, I keep going on and on about my contacts and glasses and the visit, so, I will say this:
"We all search for happiness, and we all try to find our own "Happily ever after". All you have to do is trust your Heavenly Father. Trust Him enough to follow His plan." ~~Dieter F. Uchtdorf.
I keep looking and trying to find my own happiness, but what if it is right in front of me... What if? With the "I love you more than..." books we were shown, I realized... I love my husband more than... Hmmm, MORE THAN WHAT!!!
My husband read a book about love languages. His is language/words and mine is service. What we have learned though is this: I don't need to hear that "I love you" all the time. Maybe once a day or even a couple times a week and I'm good. I serve people to show them that I love them. My husband on the other hand, he needs the "I love you" every 20 minutes or round abouts that time. I feel SO uncomfortable saying those 3 words to anyone.. my parents, siblings or even my spouse. I DO NOT have a problem saying it a couple times a day to my kids. I do, however serve them constantly. I am always doing something for them. I love them so much. I'm not saying I don't love my husband, but he is "old" enough to know the difference of me serving him to say "I love you" or if I actually say it to him... or I should hope. But anyway, I serve people to show them that I love them. It might be me grabbing a soda for the Hubs while I'm out or fixing something of his or what ever he needs done I would do it for him, or making a special meal for him.
Well, as I am looking and searching high and low for my "Happily ever After"... guess what: it IS right in front of me. I have allowed myself recently to trust my Heavenly Father in HIS plan. I am slowly, very slowly but surely coming around to the idea that I make what I have... whether its good or the bad. I can CHOOSE how my attitude will be on the situations. So, it hit me like a ton of bricks the other night that... "you know what, I can tell the hubs how I feel about him. " it will be in my own way, but I will feel comfortable doing it. It may seem silly, but today, I texted the hubs (the easiest form of communicating for me) today, while I was on my way to the Eye Doctor. I was sitting at a light... so I wasn't texting and driving. But, I went out of my way to send him "I love you more than wearing my contacts." <3 We all know how much I love wearing my contacts. (Right?!)
If I can keep up with the "good" words instead of the bad and mean words (other than game night, cuz we all know those don't count) then, I can have my happily ever after, and I will have trusted in Heavenly Father and know that I am to be where I am right now, with who I am with and experiencing what I am experiencing right now! I am thankful that I am able to listen to the promptings of the Holy Ghost! My life, and my families life will be ever blessed for the softening of my heart the last few years.
I do know that we need to trust Heavenly Father. He knows what is best for us, when it is best for us, and how it will work out. It is all a learning process, and we will, in the hereafter, see the Big Picture!
During my appointment, he lectured me. Oh yes, the lecturing was great. He told me that if I continued to do what I was doing I would be blind VERY soon. I must take out my contacts every night... which, I probably still wont do, but I came up with a plan for me... which is better than what I have been doing and will eventually make it easier to do what I am suppose to do. I will take my contacts out every week. I will leave them out for two days. Friday, Saturday and then, just for church, I can wear my contacts again. This is better than what I was doing.
I do have to get myself a new pair of glasses. Luckily, I look ok with them. I know, I know, I keep going on and on about my contacts and glasses and the visit, so, I will say this:
"We all search for happiness, and we all try to find our own "Happily ever after". All you have to do is trust your Heavenly Father. Trust Him enough to follow His plan." ~~Dieter F. Uchtdorf.
I keep looking and trying to find my own happiness, but what if it is right in front of me... What if? With the "I love you more than..." books we were shown, I realized... I love my husband more than... Hmmm, MORE THAN WHAT!!!
My husband read a book about love languages. His is language/words and mine is service. What we have learned though is this: I don't need to hear that "I love you" all the time. Maybe once a day or even a couple times a week and I'm good. I serve people to show them that I love them. My husband on the other hand, he needs the "I love you" every 20 minutes or round abouts that time. I feel SO uncomfortable saying those 3 words to anyone.. my parents, siblings or even my spouse. I DO NOT have a problem saying it a couple times a day to my kids. I do, however serve them constantly. I am always doing something for them. I love them so much. I'm not saying I don't love my husband, but he is "old" enough to know the difference of me serving him to say "I love you" or if I actually say it to him... or I should hope. But anyway, I serve people to show them that I love them. It might be me grabbing a soda for the Hubs while I'm out or fixing something of his or what ever he needs done I would do it for him, or making a special meal for him.
Well, as I am looking and searching high and low for my "Happily ever After"... guess what: it IS right in front of me. I have allowed myself recently to trust my Heavenly Father in HIS plan. I am slowly, very slowly but surely coming around to the idea that I make what I have... whether its good or the bad. I can CHOOSE how my attitude will be on the situations. So, it hit me like a ton of bricks the other night that... "you know what, I can tell the hubs how I feel about him. " it will be in my own way, but I will feel comfortable doing it. It may seem silly, but today, I texted the hubs (the easiest form of communicating for me) today, while I was on my way to the Eye Doctor. I was sitting at a light... so I wasn't texting and driving. But, I went out of my way to send him "I love you more than wearing my contacts." <3 We all know how much I love wearing my contacts. (Right?!)
If I can keep up with the "good" words instead of the bad and mean words (other than game night, cuz we all know those don't count) then, I can have my happily ever after, and I will have trusted in Heavenly Father and know that I am to be where I am right now, with who I am with and experiencing what I am experiencing right now! I am thankful that I am able to listen to the promptings of the Holy Ghost! My life, and my families life will be ever blessed for the softening of my heart the last few years.
I do know that we need to trust Heavenly Father. He knows what is best for us, when it is best for us, and how it will work out. It is all a learning process, and we will, in the hereafter, see the Big Picture!
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Questions: Do I really get what I need and does God REALLY love Broken things?!?
Why does Satan try so hard to tear a family a part? A family is the most important thing we as humans encounter or have. Most of us long for a family. A family that is trying their hardest to survive all the adversities in life but still try to live a good life are targeted the most, in my opinion. Those families that can be weakened by worldly things will always be weakened. Worldly adversities to me are money, health, chores and addictions, etc. The most fighting in our home comes from the days that I feel well enough to do something and I feel slammed with over a weeks worth of 3-4 people being slobs and all the business chores. I am suppose to be calm and loving to these people? YES! But, when I feel taken advantage of when I do these chores and the temper just vomits all over everyone around me without, what seems like, any control on my part. Its so frustrating to be the bread winner, be sick and have to take care of all the family chores all the time. It's not just overwhelming to a person, but this person begins to feel resentment. Resentment for the people love most, and I don't like that feeling.
How do I change this? I'm still wondering myself. I have spoken with a few people about this. I am a complete control freak and that is coupled with OCD and Fibro which comes with depression and anxiety and stress (which mainly comes from my job I love dearly) and stress from the previous mentioned things in the above paragraph. I also have a temper. All of these things work against me on a daily basis.
I feel that maybe my childhood has a part to play in it, however I make my own choices. I was criticized on a regular basis on how I looked. How I was too fat, or not smart enough and how my hair was and my clothes fit and the things I said and who my friends were. I wanted to be in the shadows of everyone. Not very many people remember who I am, well, that I think. I am ok with that. I don't want people to remember who I was 20 years ago anyways, because I am not that person.
I always try to remember this little quote from a friend of mine, and I hope she doesn't mind my using it here, Jolene Eborn whipped <---she is A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!! This up after a talk at General Conference, but here it is: "...God loves broken things...". If we are truly are wanting to change, then we will change. Our Heavenly Father is right ready to forgive us for most things. He gave His son for us and The Savior gave His life for our trials, our mistakes, our happiness all in hopes that we will return and live with them again.
I know I am not perfect, and far from it! I make mistakes daily, but I try to be a better person daily. I know I need to work on being less critical of people, and tell my husband and children that I love them on a regular basis. I have made it a goal of mine this last week to do so! This morning I failed. I failed miserably. This evening was better, and I hope to continue on with the goal.
(Jolene Eborn made this painting, isn't she just so talented?!?)
How do I change this? I'm still wondering myself. I have spoken with a few people about this. I am a complete control freak and that is coupled with OCD and Fibro which comes with depression and anxiety and stress (which mainly comes from my job I love dearly) and stress from the previous mentioned things in the above paragraph. I also have a temper. All of these things work against me on a daily basis.
I feel that maybe my childhood has a part to play in it, however I make my own choices. I was criticized on a regular basis on how I looked. How I was too fat, or not smart enough and how my hair was and my clothes fit and the things I said and who my friends were. I wanted to be in the shadows of everyone. Not very many people remember who I am, well, that I think. I am ok with that. I don't want people to remember who I was 20 years ago anyways, because I am not that person.
I always try to remember this little quote from a friend of mine, and I hope she doesn't mind my using it here, Jolene Eborn whipped <---she is A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!! This up after a talk at General Conference, but here it is: "...God loves broken things...". If we are truly are wanting to change, then we will change. Our Heavenly Father is right ready to forgive us for most things. He gave His son for us and The Savior gave His life for our trials, our mistakes, our happiness all in hopes that we will return and live with them again.
I know I am not perfect, and far from it! I make mistakes daily, but I try to be a better person daily. I know I need to work on being less critical of people, and tell my husband and children that I love them on a regular basis. I have made it a goal of mine this last week to do so! This morning I failed. I failed miserably. This evening was better, and I hope to continue on with the goal.
There is a song I like to listen to when I feel down in the dumps, its sung by Colin Raye, named "What I need"
Thought I knew all the answers; The way my life should go; And when I used to say my prayers;
I would tell God so; It seemed He wasn't listening; I thought He didn't care; But lookin' back;
It's plain to see; He was always there;
'Cause I prayed for strength
And I got pain that made me strong
I prayed for courage
And got fear to overcome
When I prayed for faith
My empty heart brought me to my knees
I don't always get what I want
I get what I need
I'm not sayin' that it's easy; Or that it doesn't hurt; When nothing seems to go my way;
Nothing seems to work; These days I'm getting better; At goin' with the flow;
Accepting that sometimes the answer; To a prayer is no;
'Cause I prayed for strength
And I got pain that made me strong
I prayed for courage
And got fear to overcome
When I prayed for faith
My empty heart brought me to my knees
I don't always get what I want
I get what I need
Every time I've had a door slammed in my face; In time a better one was opened in its place
I prayed for strength
And I got pain that made me strong
I prayed for courage
And got fear to overcome
When I prayed for faith
My empty heart brought me to my knees
I don't always get what I want
I get what I need
Oh I don't always get what I want
I get what I need.
I would tell God so; It seemed He wasn't listening; I thought He didn't care; But lookin' back;
It's plain to see; He was always there;
'Cause I prayed for strength
And I got pain that made me strong
I prayed for courage
And got fear to overcome
When I prayed for faith
My empty heart brought me to my knees
I don't always get what I want
I get what I need
I'm not sayin' that it's easy; Or that it doesn't hurt; When nothing seems to go my way;
Nothing seems to work; These days I'm getting better; At goin' with the flow;
Accepting that sometimes the answer; To a prayer is no;
'Cause I prayed for strength
And I got pain that made me strong
I prayed for courage
And got fear to overcome
When I prayed for faith
My empty heart brought me to my knees
I don't always get what I want
I get what I need
Every time I've had a door slammed in my face; In time a better one was opened in its place
I prayed for strength
And I got pain that made me strong
I prayed for courage
And got fear to overcome
When I prayed for faith
My empty heart brought me to my knees
I don't always get what I want
I get what I need
Oh I don't always get what I want
I get what I need.
This song has spoke to me many times, when Jason had to take a different route in school or when I had to start making more money and watching more kids, or when I lose someone close to me, or when I get sick. <---pretty sure that's why I am sick now anyways so I can have my family help me more and I let reins go a little bit more, or that terrible calling I had, or the wonderful calling I have now. I will not always get what I want, but I will get what I need. So, I guess, what I need to remember is that I shouldn't be critical of every little thing that is done around me, and not everything has to be perfect and I will learn and grow from it. I am proud to say that I am broken, But "...God loves broken things..."
(Jolene Eborn made this painting, isn't she just so talented?!?)
Friday, August 2, 2013
How many blessings do you have?
I'm sitting here contemplating my blessings this evening. A lot has come up recently and I thought I would share a little bit.
It's summer time, and as "tradition" has shown me in my job, that summer time has less monies coming in. To this, the last 3 summers have been difficult for us. Falling behind on bills, not having enough monies to go on a vacation like "normal" American's or even providing foods for the family at times. We have NEVER gone hungry, thanks to many people that care about us. Whether it was a person from church notifying someone to have us get a referral to the bishops storehouse or someone randomly dropping off potatoes or a friend saying they are making dinner for us or even a friend dropping off laundry soap(cuz we were out) so laundry could be done and payday wasn't for another week. I understand that the Lord is trying to help other people out by having them serve us. What I am trying to understand is when am I, a person that works 80 hours a week --> whether I can move or not is not in question, going to be able to actually accept help without feeling like a burden to others?
What do we consider blessings? A special message from a friend, following a prompting to check up on an individual, a home, transportation, electricity, a bed and clothing. One blessing that sticks out in my mind is: (I really don't remember when, but I know it was in the summer), we didn't have any money for gas in the car, but I still had business as usual. I needed to get gas for probably about a week. I drove around town with the gas light on, completely on empty the entire time. I was able to be paid (finally), and filled up my vehicle. my vehicle holds 17 gallons of gasoline. When I filled up, 19.1234 gallons were poured into my vehicle! That is 2 gallons and some change OVER what my tank is SUPPOSE to hold. I was so shocked I took a picture of that and sent it to a couple people.
The reason for this post is this: I was again trying to figure our how I was going to pay all my bills, buy groceries and pay all the other necessities. We sat down to dinner with 3 of the kids I care for and my family and we had a visitor shortly after beginning dinner. The visitor was someone we knew well. He randomly stops by, not very frequently though. So when this visitor showed up, I was thinking something was wrong. He asked us "Do you have room in your freezer?" I Replied "oh yes". <--- both freezers were completely empty. The only thing in the one freezer was ice on the side of the freezer wall. This person, MUST HAVE been prompted to come over. He filled our freezer with approximately 250 pounds of ground beef! Uhm, seriously!!! He was shocked that our freezer was empty, and I simply replied, "Glad to know we can be poor at the right time!" He chuckled, but its the truth. Scrimping and saving has got to be the hardest thing we do around here.
So I began thinking about my blessings. What are my blessings? I can name most of them (there are a lot of blessings): Jason, Allyson, EmmaLei, My mother, my Father (yes, I just said that), bro #1, bro #2, my home and EVERYTHING in it, my vehicles and the gas to go in it, our successful business and ALL my friends/clients that go with it, we have air to breathe, I can see all that my Heavenly Father has made in nature and I can speak to others. I have all my limbs and senses. We are able to have the interwebs and other technologies. I have friends and family that care about me and my well being. I have a phone to communicate with. Everything I have is a blessing.
Even though we have all these blessings I mentioned before, sometimes it is pretty easy to focus on the "wrongs" or trials in life, like- I have illnesses and diseases or even allergies, there isn't enough money for things I WANT, I don't like my neighbors (across the street ones), I get stressed easily and the list goes on and on.
I think I may just write down my list of blessings. This way I can look at them when I need a little pick me up, which will probably be a lot more often than I want.
All I can say right now, is I am so grateful for those that listen to promptings. My life has been blessed because of them. As I mentioned before in my other post: The Lord is mindful of our needs, wants and desires! All I know is I am a blessed person!
It's summer time, and as "tradition" has shown me in my job, that summer time has less monies coming in. To this, the last 3 summers have been difficult for us. Falling behind on bills, not having enough monies to go on a vacation like "normal" American's or even providing foods for the family at times. We have NEVER gone hungry, thanks to many people that care about us. Whether it was a person from church notifying someone to have us get a referral to the bishops storehouse or someone randomly dropping off potatoes or a friend saying they are making dinner for us or even a friend dropping off laundry soap(cuz we were out) so laundry could be done and payday wasn't for another week. I understand that the Lord is trying to help other people out by having them serve us. What I am trying to understand is when am I, a person that works 80 hours a week --> whether I can move or not is not in question, going to be able to actually accept help without feeling like a burden to others?
What do we consider blessings? A special message from a friend, following a prompting to check up on an individual, a home, transportation, electricity, a bed and clothing. One blessing that sticks out in my mind is: (I really don't remember when, but I know it was in the summer), we didn't have any money for gas in the car, but I still had business as usual. I needed to get gas for probably about a week. I drove around town with the gas light on, completely on empty the entire time. I was able to be paid (finally), and filled up my vehicle. my vehicle holds 17 gallons of gasoline. When I filled up, 19.1234 gallons were poured into my vehicle! That is 2 gallons and some change OVER what my tank is SUPPOSE to hold. I was so shocked I took a picture of that and sent it to a couple people.
The reason for this post is this: I was again trying to figure our how I was going to pay all my bills, buy groceries and pay all the other necessities. We sat down to dinner with 3 of the kids I care for and my family and we had a visitor shortly after beginning dinner. The visitor was someone we knew well. He randomly stops by, not very frequently though. So when this visitor showed up, I was thinking something was wrong. He asked us "Do you have room in your freezer?" I Replied "oh yes". <--- both freezers were completely empty. The only thing in the one freezer was ice on the side of the freezer wall. This person, MUST HAVE been prompted to come over. He filled our freezer with approximately 250 pounds of ground beef! Uhm, seriously!!! He was shocked that our freezer was empty, and I simply replied, "Glad to know we can be poor at the right time!" He chuckled, but its the truth. Scrimping and saving has got to be the hardest thing we do around here.
So I began thinking about my blessings. What are my blessings? I can name most of them (there are a lot of blessings): Jason, Allyson, EmmaLei, My mother, my Father (yes, I just said that), bro #1, bro #2, my home and EVERYTHING in it, my vehicles and the gas to go in it, our successful business and ALL my friends/clients that go with it, we have air to breathe, I can see all that my Heavenly Father has made in nature and I can speak to others. I have all my limbs and senses. We are able to have the interwebs and other technologies. I have friends and family that care about me and my well being. I have a phone to communicate with. Everything I have is a blessing.
Even though we have all these blessings I mentioned before, sometimes it is pretty easy to focus on the "wrongs" or trials in life, like- I have illnesses and diseases or even allergies, there isn't enough money for things I WANT, I don't like my neighbors (across the street ones), I get stressed easily and the list goes on and on.
I think I may just write down my list of blessings. This way I can look at them when I need a little pick me up, which will probably be a lot more often than I want.
All I can say right now, is I am so grateful for those that listen to promptings. My life has been blessed because of them. As I mentioned before in my other post: The Lord is mindful of our needs, wants and desires! All I know is I am a blessed person!
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
The Lord is mindful of us!
Today was not exceptionally busy. However, I did have enough kiddos to keep me busy and exhausted at the end of the day. I can truly say I LOVE my job. As daunting as it seems to some people, I really love it. I hear people all the time say, "Well, I just don't know how she does it!" and "I could never do anything like that!" and "Oh you must have the patience of a saint!". When people say this to me, I just laugh it off and usually mutter "whatever". I love all the people I have gotten to know in the last 9 years and I will probably love anyone else that comes into my life in the next 80 years. I do say that some days are better than others for children. Working with many kinds of children from infants (newborn) up to 12 or 13 year olds, children with behavior disorders, children with disabilities and anyone in-between those "status's" has taught me so much. The references people give me make me wonder what they're smoking. :P I am not here to have people say nice things about (although it doesn't hurt), I am here because my Lord and Savior has put me here for a reason. There is some reason I am still functional (cuz I be sick I guess) enough to be with these children.
As I receive blessings, whether it be for comfort, or a calling or a healing blessing it ALWAYS says how mindful the Lord is of me and that all the children I come in contact with are here for a very specific reason. Then I get chastised for not reading the scriptures as I should, BUT the blessing always ends with "The Lord loves you". Sometimes I ask for a blessing just to know that I am loved. I do know that every little thing that has happened to my family in the last 2 years has been for a reason. I was slightly an in-active person just coasting along on everyone else's testimonies. I was working all the time and then exhausted on Sunday to get up and do anything other than sleep, so that's what I did. Then, I was given a calling in church to be a Relief Society teacher, which was one week a month. I HATED that calling. I literally despised that. I am a child person. I feel so out of place and uncomfortable in front of adults that I pretty much have an anxiety attack. I was always trying to get out of the calling and wished I would be released.
Then we had some interesting and somewhat very devastating news to our family. This would change the course of everything. It was something that I don't agree with and still have a hard time with to this day. I remember having to give a lesson on Temple Marriage right after we received the news. That was the most difficult lesson I ever gave. I cried in front people, and only 2 people knew why I was blubbering.. over a temple marriage lesson no less. It was then, that I decided to make my calling what it was suppose to be. Luckily, I was soon released and put in to the Primary Presidency. THAT calling there changed my outlook on what I was actually doing at church. Where I was once a person that went once or twice a month or only when I HAD to, I then, was an important part of something. I was needed. We also went from sitting in the foyer because we were consistently late to being a couple minutes early to church so that we could get a bench in the Chapel. We not only had the previous news, but we had a funeral that year, then the hubby had to change his degree with only 2 semesters left, I began working outrageous hours again, and I had some friends decide not to be friends anymore, we then had a commuter car break down and a horrible terrible no good "replacement" vehicle that left me stranded everywhere I went with childcare kids in it each time, we also had a pretty devastating summer with barely any income coming in. We successfully made it thru December 2011 and all of 2012 with very little intact.
During this time, I had only a few select people help me through this tough time. To them, I am ever so grateful!! I know that the Lord put them in the right place at the right time specifically for me. HE IS MINDFUL OF ME! I was to the point that every post I made on Facebook was a depressing one or an angry one. I decided I needed to change. Whatever was going on with me needed to change. I was DONE being sorry for myself and for my circumstances. I was taught a valuable lesson by my mother that I will not forget. She decided that she was going to be happy. What had happened was not her fault, and she had no control over it. She was doing very well... I was actually quite jealous of her for handling everything so well.
I had the opportunity to do a service project for a family in our ward. A family that had their own devastating news. I was so happy to help them and wouldn't change anything that has happened since then. I know this family is grateful for what we did, and what we will do in the future. The Lord knew then what I needed. He knew that I was ready to learn and grow at that very moment. I am sorry this family is having to deal with this trial, but I know that the Lord is mindful of them as well. I am here and willing to help any way I can. I only did what I thought was necessary and what I would want someone to do for me if ever needed. I am hoping that I would never need it, but, you never know! I know that serving others has helped me immensely. I have been so blessed because of it. I do know things could be a lot worse than they are. My testimony, over the last 2 years has grown leaps and bounds. I know that families are forever. I know the Savior died for me. I do know that. I am eternally grateful and indebted to him. I am comforted by the fact that I know He is mindful of me... lil 'ol me. I love each of the children I care for, and I am forever grateful for my own children. I thank Heavenly Father everyday for them, and my trials. I am thankful for friends in the right place and the right time- even if it is "just cuz they cant get their butt off FB". Thank you for being there this whole time! You will never know how much those moments meant to me, and she may never read this blog post, but, I am very grateful to you! I am only hoping I can repay this person.
I am grateful for all of my friends and family that have also helped our family when we needed it. It sure has been an interesting couple years, and I am hoping for things to calm down and be more of a "normal" now. We shall see!
As I receive blessings, whether it be for comfort, or a calling or a healing blessing it ALWAYS says how mindful the Lord is of me and that all the children I come in contact with are here for a very specific reason. Then I get chastised for not reading the scriptures as I should, BUT the blessing always ends with "The Lord loves you". Sometimes I ask for a blessing just to know that I am loved. I do know that every little thing that has happened to my family in the last 2 years has been for a reason. I was slightly an in-active person just coasting along on everyone else's testimonies. I was working all the time and then exhausted on Sunday to get up and do anything other than sleep, so that's what I did. Then, I was given a calling in church to be a Relief Society teacher, which was one week a month. I HATED that calling. I literally despised that. I am a child person. I feel so out of place and uncomfortable in front of adults that I pretty much have an anxiety attack. I was always trying to get out of the calling and wished I would be released.
Then we had some interesting and somewhat very devastating news to our family. This would change the course of everything. It was something that I don't agree with and still have a hard time with to this day. I remember having to give a lesson on Temple Marriage right after we received the news. That was the most difficult lesson I ever gave. I cried in front people, and only 2 people knew why I was blubbering.. over a temple marriage lesson no less. It was then, that I decided to make my calling what it was suppose to be. Luckily, I was soon released and put in to the Primary Presidency. THAT calling there changed my outlook on what I was actually doing at church. Where I was once a person that went once or twice a month or only when I HAD to, I then, was an important part of something. I was needed. We also went from sitting in the foyer because we were consistently late to being a couple minutes early to church so that we could get a bench in the Chapel. We not only had the previous news, but we had a funeral that year, then the hubby had to change his degree with only 2 semesters left, I began working outrageous hours again, and I had some friends decide not to be friends anymore, we then had a commuter car break down and a horrible terrible no good "replacement" vehicle that left me stranded everywhere I went with childcare kids in it each time, we also had a pretty devastating summer with barely any income coming in. We successfully made it thru December 2011 and all of 2012 with very little intact.
During this time, I had only a few select people help me through this tough time. To them, I am ever so grateful!! I know that the Lord put them in the right place at the right time specifically for me. HE IS MINDFUL OF ME! I was to the point that every post I made on Facebook was a depressing one or an angry one. I decided I needed to change. Whatever was going on with me needed to change. I was DONE being sorry for myself and for my circumstances. I was taught a valuable lesson by my mother that I will not forget. She decided that she was going to be happy. What had happened was not her fault, and she had no control over it. She was doing very well... I was actually quite jealous of her for handling everything so well.
I had the opportunity to do a service project for a family in our ward. A family that had their own devastating news. I was so happy to help them and wouldn't change anything that has happened since then. I know this family is grateful for what we did, and what we will do in the future. The Lord knew then what I needed. He knew that I was ready to learn and grow at that very moment. I am sorry this family is having to deal with this trial, but I know that the Lord is mindful of them as well. I am here and willing to help any way I can. I only did what I thought was necessary and what I would want someone to do for me if ever needed. I am hoping that I would never need it, but, you never know! I know that serving others has helped me immensely. I have been so blessed because of it. I do know things could be a lot worse than they are. My testimony, over the last 2 years has grown leaps and bounds. I know that families are forever. I know the Savior died for me. I do know that. I am eternally grateful and indebted to him. I am comforted by the fact that I know He is mindful of me... lil 'ol me. I love each of the children I care for, and I am forever grateful for my own children. I thank Heavenly Father everyday for them, and my trials. I am thankful for friends in the right place and the right time- even if it is "just cuz they cant get their butt off FB". Thank you for being there this whole time! You will never know how much those moments meant to me, and she may never read this blog post, but, I am very grateful to you! I am only hoping I can repay this person.
I am grateful for all of my friends and family that have also helped our family when we needed it. It sure has been an interesting couple years, and I am hoping for things to calm down and be more of a "normal" now. We shall see!
Monday, July 29, 2013
Am I a Super?!?
As I sit here, I can barely move. Sometimes I really think its in my head, but then I move my pinky toe and I find out it isn't. I just want someone to swoop in here and make everything the way it use to be. I use to be super-mom/wife/childcare provider/friend. As I am contemplating my evening plans, I will be going to bed. Probably as soon as all the kids leave to go home. I hope I can muster enough energy to make the kids dinner, which, if we had any, I would totally make them make their own leftovers. As it is, we don't have any leftovers or really anything else to make unless I actually pull out a pan and make dinner. We have a couple cans of tuna and some p.b. and j. That might actually be for dinner, now that I think about it. Every muscle in my body is screaming at me today. Muscles that don't usually hurt are really telling me to stop whatever I am doing and do not move. This has got to be the most frustrating thing I have to deal with. The mind is willing but the body is not. I have a list a mile long of things that need to be done: grocery shopping, school shopping, supplies shopping for daycare (a lot of shopping), then there is the laundry, dishes, mopping, sweeping, carpet cleaning, garage cleaning, pulling out a tree and 2 bushes, all my motherly duties, church duties <--luckily they aren't to difficult, cleaning out the car, taking the plastic bags collection from the rummage sale to be recycled, oh and the toy room that I began re-painting almost a year ago STILL needs finished, then there is dinner to made and my working all day on top of it all. My brain is continually wanting and needing to get these things done, but any of it is yet to be fulfilled. I remember 2 years ago if I wanted to do something, I would just do it. I wouldn't have to wait for anyone to help me or do it for me. In a way I feel absolutely worthless to people and today I feel completely incapable of doing anything functional. I do not know how to over-come the weakness that have overcome me. I feel lazy, however, lazy is NOT my problem. The problem lays in the fact that moving is not an option. There are good days and there are bad days. I have not known a good a day for over a week now, more like two weeks. I am hoping that my children will not think I am a terrible mother for not caring for them the way I think they should be cared for. I want to be the kind of mother that my kids will remember all the fun times we had together not the kind of mom that was a lousy mom. Anymore I am the mom that sleeps the whole time she isn't working, and the kind of mom that doesn't want to take the kids to the park anymore because we would have to leave the house and walk outside and exert more energy I have. I want them to love their childhood and be grateful for the lessons they learned before mom got sick. I am forever grateful for Allyson and the responsibilities she has taken on. She is truly a special child and I could not live without her. She takes such good care of her sister, without even knowing it sometimes. Getting her breakfast, making her a snack or lunch. She is a talented child!! There is a reason for all trials and I sure hope I can find the reason for this one. I want to be able to be independent again and not rely on everyone else for the regular day to day things. I want to be super-mom/wife/childcare provider/friend again.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
The "back story"!
As I am thinking about the last few years, well, since EmmaLei has been born, it has been an interesting journey. I was sick before I got pregnant with her, during pregnancy and after. I thought the nausea and vomiting would end after pregnancy, but it didn't. Everything that has happened to my body I can date back to around that time. I love that little girl with all my heart! I would not EVER trade perfect health for her. As much as I am in pain right now, I know she was made for this family, for me. I have had a lot of time to think about things recently, due to the fact that I cant move very well. I went Gluten free about 3 years ago. At the time I went gluten free I was on a lot of Prescription Meds. Depakote, Zoloft, Thyroid Medication, Acid reducer, plus Tums to follow that up. There was also all the pain medication and nausea medication I was taking on a regular basic. Phenergan was a common med I was taking to keep food down. Even after I was not pregnant I was vomiting on a regular basis...and to that I didn't know why until I went Gluten Free. I was also taking Benadryl and Melatonin every night to help me sleep along with Tylenol and Advil. As I am looking back on this, I am VERY surprised I had not overdosed or mixed to many meds together for a deathly fate. once I went G.F. within a couple months I was able to go off ALL my medications. The medications I was on were treating me for an illness called Cyclothymia. For those of you that don't know what this illness is, it is a form of Bi-polar. Its instead of the low lows and high highs that are days or months long, it is the quick mood changes within seconds or minutes. The Depakote and Zoloft were mood stabilizers. I was maxed out on both meds. If I forgot to take meds, it was a disaster of a day. When I cut gluten out of my diet, I not only found out I was allergic to it, but it effected every aspect of my life. All my migraines, muscle pains, joint pain, back pain, stomach pain, vomiting, sleep patterns and lack of sleep and my mood was all effected by gluten. All of it. I was so excited to find out how well I was doing without eating gluten. It was terribly difficult to figure out what I could and couldn't eat, and the dining out had to be halted sadly. Since EmmaLei was born, I have also found out that I have arthritis and degenerative discs in my back. I also have arthritis in my knees. I was almost pain free after I went Gluten free. I was no longer on any pain meds either prescription or OTC. I wasn't needing acid reducer or any aid to sleep. the transformation my body took was amazing. there was also the small benefit of losing weight added to the side effects of going gluten free. I had not felt so good in so long I didn't know what it was like anymore until I realized it was Gluten causing my ailments. I really thought that my working all day everyday was causing all of my pain. When, in fact, it only contributed to a minor part of it.
There will be more, but for another day. :)
There will be more, but for another day. :)
Friday, July 26, 2013
This has been an interesting time trying to get this blog up! Holy cow!!! I think I have it almost figured out, however, pictures and videos and anything else technical will have to wait. My tired eyes are on and I am ready for bed, but still working.
Hopefully this will be something fun that I enjoy, and will continue this for a while, maybe even therapeutic. We shall see I guess.
Hopefully this will be something fun that I enjoy, and will continue this for a while, maybe even therapeutic. We shall see I guess.
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