More Blessings... How can that be?!?

I have been contemplating all of our blessings we have received in the last couple months.  Its just a subtle reminder that we are children of our Heavenly Father.  He knows each one of us, and only wants happiness for each of us.

We have had little blessings... and when they all come together, they are for the bigger picture. We now have food on the table, sufficient for our needs.  We have extra money coming in due to the jobs Jason has now.  2 jobs... that's right.  The first one is substituting and the second one is PSR.  The 1st one isn't as regular, but it helps a great deal!  The 2nd one is part time, but pays really well. All in all, we should be making our bills now without any problems and even catching up!

We have been given a few of the necessities recently and have been ever so grateful.  Things have fallen into place that I would never have even imagined would. We now have food to last us throughout the winter and that has NEVER happened before. Its basically the staples, but that's ok. We also will be able to afford to stock up on our food storage which will better our situation as well.  I guess if the Zombies do take over, it can be a party at the Jones!

Blessings come in disguises. some come with broken windows or furnaces.  Others come with gifts or kind words from a friend. I do have to say that my blessings also come with huge trials placed before me.  

Nothing has come easy for us.  I have had to earn everything I have.  I wouldn't change anything.  I am hoping that from my learning and trials and my example, my kids will learn from them and grow above and beyond what I can provide them with. 

I know we are blessed.  The Lord will not give me more than I can handle.  Although, I do think He "toe" that line!!! 
  

I have written something on here 3 times tonight trying to convey how I feel about things right now.  There is a lot of anger, hurt, fear, frustration, love, compassion, and generosity that has been recently shown to us, but still, the sinking feeling wont go away.  I feel like we are drowning a slow painful death.  not with any particular reason for this feeling.  its quite frustrating to feel like this.

Recently, at my grandmothers funeral it was shown that we don't matter.  We were just people that happened to be a funeral. Its such a depressing thought to know what had taken place there.

Jason has 2 jobs.  Thank heavens.  Maybe Christmas wont be so sparse this year.  maybe we can regain our once AMAZING credit report.  Maybe people will stop calling us for money.  Maybe I can answer my phone without having a panic attack.  Maybe our bills will be paid on time every month now.  I can not express how much burden this has lifted from me.  I no longer have to work 18 hour days everyday.  Its only once a week I work late.  every other day I am off at a decent hour.

I know that Satan is trying his damnedest to tear us apart.  He is working night and day on us.  Its really an eye opener as to what lengths he goes to for that. we have started to at least read the scriptures every night and pray as a family every night... and since we decided this, we have maybe done it 4 times in the last 3 weeks.  We are trying to do what is right but its still falling short of what needs to be done. I feel its a failure on our part. 

anyway, the things i want to say cant be said, and if they were said, it would just be jumble for everyone else. i know these trials are for a reason, but i want my life to be calm and happy and no more hardships.  <---hahahah, right?